friends and lovers
There’s a lot I can’t remember about life-changing moments. When you’ve reached a Certain Age, you just have to rearrange all those files in your memory banks, and the details of momentous events can slip away.
However, I believe that if the time comes when I can’t even remember my name, I’ll still remember the night my best friend Robert and I became lovers.
For several months we had palled around together. Movies, lots of lunches, flea markets, an afternoon concert, antique stores, shopping for the exact winter coat I needed. We found it at Neiman’s, a classic black cashmere coat with detachable black fox collar. It was clearly something I couldn’t afford, but when he pointed out that all other coats looked like bathrobes compared to it, I bought it. Many years later I got too wide to wear the coat and gave it away. The fox collar is still going strong.
Maybe you’re wondering, So why didn’t he offer to buy it for you, or at least go halfsies? He’s the one who promoted it. The answer is, When you go shopping with your best buddy, do you expect him or her to pay for what you find? Of course not. He was my pal, not a sugar-daddy. (Not that I’d be immune to a sugar-daddy, but no one has ever offered, so we’ll never know.)
Then came Christmas, 1980. The 26th, to be exact. We’d been out to dinner, where as usual we laughed so loud that people glanced at us. Then we came back to my rented condo and sat on the floor by the light of my small Christmas tree, sipping wine and listening to a record (remember vinyl LPs?). I felt so peaceful and happy, and he did too. Then Robert leaned over and kissed me.
Mama mia, what a kiss! Sorry to turn all Hollywood on you, but it really was electrifying. At that moment we both knew our friendship had just taken a very different trajectory. We talked for a while about what we wanted in a relationship, and agreed that we didn’t want to have to work at it. Energy and attention absolutely, but not struggle-and-effort. Been there, done that.
He said, “I would like to take you upstairs and make sweet love with you.” I said, “Oh honey, I want to be courted. No one has ever courted me.” He said, “Baby, I will court you within an inch of your life. We’re talking notes under your windshield wipers, flowers, candy, whatever. You are gonna get courted!”
Then he kissed me twice more and I said, “Aaaaah, that’s enough courtship. Let’s go upstairs.”
And we’ve been there ever since. Mates, still lovers, still best friends. For 29 years. Wow.
Tags: lovers, marriage, memories, Relationships
