Woo! How I met Robert.

Was it really so long ago? Yep, 1980. How the decades fly when you’re having fun!

 

Our mutual Dear Friend (hereinafter known as DF) was delighted to learn that I’d never heard of Moon Mansion, the old deconsecrated church and hippie abode of two artist landlords and their boarders, who were all more or less in genteel artistic poverty but smart and talented. They ate a lot of beans and tofu around a big refectory table, like the family they had become.

DF called up one of the residents, her buddy Bob Goodman, and told him she wanted to surprise me with a tea party there, and would he help her host it? Sure, he said, he’d be glad to.

[Detour note: We had never met, though he had taken a picture of me at one of DF's costume parties. I was dressed as a stripper, with black bra/panties/stockings, a black negligee, rhinestone pins everywhere, and around my neck a ten-foot silver boa (formerly on a Christmas tree) that touched the floor on both ends. It felt delightfully naughty, though I was more covered than in a swim suit. I thought I was gorgeous, not realizing till later that my white backside glowed through that black peignoir like Moby Dick.]

OK, back to Moon Mansion. As I recall, it was July 9, my birthday. DF picked me up at my condo, settled me in her car, gave  me rozberries (raspberries, my favorite), and then blindfolded me. I should add that a blindfold was always part of our surprises for each other.  She drove me around for ten minutes to confuse my sense of direction, then the car bounced over some broken pavement and stopped. I had no earthly idea that I was actually only half a mile from where we’d started.

The car door opened, a strong hand took my arm, and a deep voice said, “It’s OK. I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.” Woooo! My very first impression of Robert. What an imprinting that was.

They led me up rickety stairs, helped me over a threshold, and took off my blindfold. I opened my eyes and found myself in a magical place. High above the former sanctuary soared a ceiling covered with painted clouds. Across the way was a ladder that led to the belfry. Small vignettes were staged here and there, from various eras or events. The one I remember was Victorian, with carpet-covered floor cushions to lounge on and a collection of antique beaded evening bags.

A gallery ran around the other part of the building. The bathroom was up there, with its claw-foot tub and gorgeous stained glass window. I later learned that Robert-the-photographer had once taken some portfolio pictures there of a spectacularly beautiful, young, dark-haired model dressed in a bustier and garter belt cum black stockings. I suspect she pulled them off better than I could have. So to speak.

Beneath the gallery was the former choir-robing room, now Bob Goodman’s bedroom. He asked me not to step on his dragon rug from Nepal. He usually kept it on his bed, but he’d put it on the floor in celebration of this august occasion. While DF set up the tea party outside, he and I sat on his bed and talked.

After awhile DF called us out for the elegant tea party she had set under big trees on an outside bricked area, shared by the resident goat and peacock. It was the Sixties all over again, this extraordinary retreat just two blocks off Central Expressway.

After the tea party, Bob told DF that he would take me home later. We still wanted to talk. And talk we did, all afternoon. I asked him whether he wanted me to call him Bob or Robert. He was surprised—no one had ever called him anything but Bobby (child) or Bob (adult). He decided that he definitely wanted me to call him Robert, and he has never changed his mind.

So there we were, in Moon Mansion, falling immediately and deeply into Like, with Love waiting around the corner. But that story is for another day,

That’s my how-we-met story. What’s yours?

 

pre-thanksgiving cop-out plan

This year Robert-the-Goodman and I are again hosting the whole clan for Thanksgiving, about 16 darling people. As I begin my to-do list, my standards are (as usual) dropping faster than my panties on Saturday night.

For example, I just learned about turkey thighs!  I realize they’re a cop-out, but not as bare-faced as my usual one, a Sam’s Club spiral-cut ham. Besides, my elderly oven just won’t accommodate the mini-Cooper-sized turkey these folks deserve.

So that’s my current plan … big pans of roasted turkey thighs and onions, along with these usual suspects:

• cornbread dressing with sausage, onions, bell pepper, and celery (we’re Southern; cornbread rules)

• gravy with lots of caramelized onions, chopped hard-boiled eggs, and water chestnuts, plus a blob of dressing to thicken

• Coke salad — dark cherry Jello, dark canned cherries, crushed pineapple, walnuts, and (wait for it) Coca-Cola. I know it sounds horrible, not to mention vintage, but it’s terrific and much easier than Waldorf salad

• sweet potatoes in some form (I’m offloading those to cousins Mary and Paula and sis Nora)

• some nice side veggie (supplied by the first sucker who says “What can I bring?”)

• lovely rolls via cousin Mart, and MAYBE a smoked brisket from cousin Jim … which would be elegant and would mercifully upstage the turkey thighs

• asstd pies, last known address Kroger’s frozen section

• ESSENTIAL: LOTS AND LOTS OF CHAMPAGNE

Robert discovered a delicious and modestly-priced (for which read cheap) Spanish sparkling wine that we buy by the case as the holidays approach. I’ll fill the washer with ice and cold water, stick a dozen bottles of the Cristalino “champagne” in it, and we’re good to go.

Besides, people don’t gather for the food or centerpieces or wine. We get together to marvel again at how blessed and lucky we are. And, of course, for the guys to adjourn to the bedroom and watch football on our humongous TV.

By now you suspect that I’m writing about Thanksgiving a month ahead of time so you’ll send me your favorite cop-out recipe, or align yourself with my low character, or chastise me for not having mashed Irish potatoes as well as sweet ones, a dead giveaway that you are the sort who makes bread dressing. One of my best friends does that, and I love her anyway,

Go ahead. I can take it. I’ll actually welcome it.

Peace and love!

Roz

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puppy, laser dots, and Marfa lights

Hi, everybody!

This morning when I opened our new stainless steel fridge, sunlight from the garden room struck its door and created a shimmering light against the cabinets. Of course, Buddy thought it was a Marfa light and went into alarm mode, barking furiously at it, tail vibrating at 500 rpm’s. This represents a conjunction, in his teeny little brain, between a red laser dot and any moving or flashing light source.

Let me explain.

When he was a young puppy we started playing with a laser beam that created a red light dot wherever we pointed it at the floor. Buddy adored it. He would chase it, bark, wag, look around for its next appearance, while we laughed and loved it. Then one day, several weeks later, when I turned the light off he came and jumped against my thigh and barked at me in a commanding voice. He apparently had figured out that somehow I made that red bug appear, and he wanted me to bring it back now! That’s when I realized that (a) the Dog Whisperer was right, Buddy was the alpha dog around here, and (b) he had become an addict. We put the laser pointer away for good.

Meantime, though, he had begun to associate all mysterious flashes of light as a Marfa light. (Marfa is a town in the Texas mountains where mysterious lights dance in the woods, and no one has been able to adequately explain them. We dubbed all sources of Buddy’s light-chasing obsession as Marfa lights.)

The most reliable Marfa light around our house is the flash of sunlight off a watch crystal. We’ll be setting up breakfast in the garden room, will accidentally move a wrist through a light beam, and WOW! Here we go. Buddy chases the flash of light across the floor, up walls, into the kitchen. If the light flashed off the ceiling, he’ll watch for it there, standing against the sideboard, his entire 20 inches of length straining to levitate and catch the light. He positively quivers with excitement.

That’s why I have taken to removing my watch before breakfast. So has Robert. Still, we never know when a sunbeam on a silver spoon or chrome coffee carafe will spawn a Marfa light.

And if there isn’t one currently, I believe Buddy hallucinates something else to confront. He’s like a little kid playing cowboys and Indians. Do all dogs to that? I’m a newbie at this.

It’s a small life but a merry one around here.

Cheers!

Roz

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first-time dog ownership

Hi, everybody!

That little canine dude licking my chin is Buddy Bear. For three years now he’s been training us. I thought their puppyhood lasted only about six months. (I can almost hear veteran dog-owners cackle with glee.) Yes, Virginia, it does take a lot longer than that.

So how come we have a dog, especially since Robert didn’t want one, vehemently did not want one. It’s all because I got a late-life hankering to have a baby, especially since we had just returned from seeing son Blake’s new baby, Beck, and playing with their dogs. I decided I wanted a Yorkie or Yorkie-mix, full-grown and beautifully trained. I called dozens of breeders, who of course didn’t have such a dog. As one man said, “Lady, if we had a dog like that, why would we sell it???”

I finally located a breeder an hour away who would sell a female dog she’d acquired for breeding, but she (the dog) only came into heat once and never again. I tore-assed up the highway and onto the breeder’s farm, where there were several pens of Yorkies and hybrids, all very healthy and socialized. The breeder introduced me to the dog I’d come to buy, and I disliked her. She was totally blah. I had a Coke before heading back home, and then I spotted this one little guy in the pen with a truly winsome face. “What’s he?” “Oh, he’s a Yorkie-Poo, half Yorkshire terrier and half poodle.”   “Can I hold him?” And out bounded this fluffball who made a beeline for me and began to untie my shoelaces.

Well, I explained, my husband reluctantly agreed to a full-grown, well-trained dog, and this one is neither. Can I take him out on approval?

We struck a deal that if he and Robert didn’t bond, I could bring him back and let the breeder keep a hundred bucks of his price. I put this little 3-pound pup on the passenger’s seat and headed back down south. We stopped off to show him to Robert at his lab (he was understandably non-commital but agreed that this was a very cute dog). Then I stopped to show him to my best friend Kathy, who loved him. Then I put him on my shoulder and spent half an hour at Petsmart getting his crate, bed, food, etc. Then finally got him home and put him down on the grass. The little dude had not pee’d for three hours and seemed a little shell-shocked, slept all night without a whimper, and the next day became our puppy.

A few days later I said to Robert, “Honey, I want to amend our deal. Instead of a week’s approval, I promise that if at any time either of us wants to offload this dog, we’ll do it. I won’t whine or be martyred.” Can you imagine anything so naive? I hadn’t the slightest notion of how c-razy we would become about Buddy Bear (so-named because I’d always wanted a dog named Buddy, and he looked like a miniature bear cub).

Every time we take him out in public, several people say he’s the cutest dog they’ve ever seen. We reply, That’s his survival strategy. If he weren’t so damn cute we’d have made puppy sausage out of him long ago. They laugh uneasily unless they are veteran dog owners, in which case they say they know exactly what we mean.

I just looked back at my journal from those early days, and found this entry taken from a letter I emailed to my sister:


The funniest the pup has been is with an empty Deja Blue water bottle. I first took its top off and gave it to him outside, but it made a honking sound when he barked into its mouth, and thenceforth he pounced in wide circles around it, barking and lunging, but wouldn’t touch it again. It’s the first time I have ever seen him intimidated by anything. So when we came back in I put the top back on and tossed it for him, and he has gone nuts over it. Much grrrring and pouncing, and of course the bottle rolls away and he attacks it as it tries to escape. He rolled it under the red chair and it got stuck, so I pried it loose with a yardstick (I’m getting too old for this, sister) and tossed it back into the yard. At first he grabbed it and trotted it around the yard, but then became totally disinterested. Back here in the garden room, however, the games have begun again. I put a few pieces of kibble in it, screwed the top back on tightly, and now it rattles when he attacks it. The Grrrring escalates, and we have an instant party.

This is my life right now. Puppy, office, puppy, office, stop for gas, puppy. I don’t get to the gym, I turn down lunch invitations, I just live out here in the garden room with this little dog, ostensibly to housetrain him, but also to enjoy his clowning around. I got him a week ago. He now owns me. Fortunately,Robert likes him a lot, but we’re both clear that the pup is my responsibility.

Right now the door is open to the outside. Buddy comes in and out, sproings and zooms and rolls and challenges squirrels, and right this minute I am supremely content.

Knew you’d understand.  xoxoxo Roz


the saga continues

Hi, everybody!

Last time I told you how I bought one of the first home computers, the 26-pound Kaypro II, and was so flaphandedly frustrated with the manual which came bundled with it, that I co-wrote a comprehensible one with my buddy Greg.

I should mention for those who remember the early 80s (and if you weren’t born then, I don’t want to hear about it) that the operating system was called CPR. No, wait, that’s how you help other drowning people, those going down for the third time in water instead of technology. The operating system was called CP/M.

The machine had a ram of 64K. You heard right, 64K. And now this is an important detail: it came bundled with a complete set of the Perfect software: Perfect Writer, Perfect Calc, Perfect Filer.

So PeopleTalk Associates (at that time only programmer Greg Platt and me) wrote this book we cutely named The Perfect Manual for the Kaypro II. And by the way, there was not a Kaypro I until years later. Kind of like the history of Star Wars and its prequels and sequels and eras, O my.

There came a time when we went down to the tax office to register our little enterprise for a tax number so we could buy paper wholesale. The tax guy wrote down:  PeopleTalk. Publishers. “Wait!” we said. “We aren’t publishers. We just wrote the book together, and Greg formatted it to print out in pages, and we hired a guy to do a front cover design, and we had it printed and spiral bound so it would lie flat.” The tax guy looked at us and said slowly, “What do you think publishers do?”

And Greg and I high-fived each other (or whatever exultant people did back then) and said, “Aw RIGHT! We’re PUBLISHERS!”

So we had this garage full of printed books, and now we needed to sell them. We hauled a boxfull to the dealer who’d sold us the Kaypros, and he loved the book, but he was just one store. The computer was actually selling very well all over the country. There were lots of dealers, and we needed the top-secret dealer list. I honestly do not remember how we got it snuck out to us, but we ended up with it. Then we printed up envelopes with our PeopleTalk return address and, in a slanted banner, “At last! The one indispensable peripheral for the Kaypro II.” Inside was our little flyer about The Perfect Manual for the Kaypro II, which pointed out that our manual translated programmer language into PeopleTalk. We sent the flyer to every dealer in the country.

Well kiddies, those books sold like crazy. I can’t remember what they cost to print (never mind our hundreds of writing hours) or what they wholesaled for, but we were making a pretty good spread. About the second month my take was $2000! This was it! The passive income we all dream of.

About that time I finally got a small settlement from my first marriage and happened to find the one perfect (yeah, I know, ironic) house, and we up and bought it. With two thousand dollars a month from publishing, we could make those bigger mortgage payments! My therapy practice now had a floor under it, and Robert and I, both entrepreneurs, finally had money we could count on.

Two months later Kaypro stopped bundling the Perfect software series and overnight our manual was obsolete. Greg, a guy with a wonderfully dry wit, said, “Looks like we’d better write a book about how to fricassee a book,” since we had thousands that were useless.

Every entrepreneur probably has a similar story. I’d love to hear yours.

There was a happy outcome for PeopleTalk. Greg brought other writers aboard, including my brilliant teenaged son, and they (I had bailed by then) geared up to write new manuals for whatever software was bundled on whatever computer.

And I went on, a few years later, and wrote my first self-help book, entitled “Life Savor: How To Turn On Delight.” I thought that was an adorable pun, which almost no one noticed, but I was back in the publishing business, this time as Hollingsworth Press, named after my razzle-dazzle grandmother Fairy Burch Hollingsworth.

One of these days I’ll have to tell you some Fairy stories.

Cheers!
Roz

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